So I spent my weekend surrounded with friends, enjoying each other’s company and numerous (way too many) beverages, eating delicious food and listening to great music, catching the glorious spring sunrays and taking relaxing walks. And all I could think was about my book and the promotion of it on social accounts. I long for people to discover and read my novel and would do anything to accomplish that. I have never felt so passionate about anything. Nothing has ever received so much thought. I can feel my dreams on the other side of a glass door and I just want to break it and grab them.
I actually feel guilty for having a life, for taking a night off. I’m battling myself what’s wrong and what’s right. Should you ignore everything and breathe, drink and eat only your ambitions? Or should you live your life and fit the steps towards the goal in it? What makes you worthy to get what you want? Ignoring everything else for the sake of your dreams? Or letting yourself have fun and not destroy yourself because of it?
I would love to give myself the answers. But I don’t know how, what to reply. All I know is that the idea of the work needed to fulfill my hopes and dreams is possessing me. It’s putting a smile on my face and yet holding my head hostage. My chest feels like it’s wrapped in chains. Every breath is either ment for my efforts or it is wasted. I want my friends to talk about it and yet it pains me. Oh, that wonderful mind of mine.
So the weekend is almost over. I have paused my activity on social media. And now I’m sitting in front of my laptop torn between guilt and content for hanging out with my friends.