She is sitting at the table and tapping her fingernails against the wood. Looking at the clock, it feels like she is competing with its speed. Her nails are starting to hurt but she doesn’t care, or doesn’t even notice. She has to let the frustration out somehow. Her body is vibrating with frustration.
I can’t believe he’s late again. 2 HOURS! AND NO CALL!
She stands up and starts moving around. Catching the sight of food completely cold on the table she stops and lets out an exasparated scream.
In that moment the front door of their apartment opens. “Hi, honey.”
If looks could kill, he wouldn’t stand a chance. “I know I’m late but I just lost track of time at work.” He puts his bag and coat down.
She feels the electricity running through her, pushing her over the edge. She can’t take it much longer. She clenches her fists, digging the nails into her palm. It would hurt if she weren’t completely numb.
He casually walks towards her, looking behind her at the food. “So, what’s for dinner?”
And that is when she loses the tiny atom of calm and restrain she might have had a second ago and explodes. “Dinner? What’s for dinner? Did you just ask what’s for dinner?”
She points at the food completely cold on the plates. “That. That was for dinner 2 hours ago. Now, not even a dog would eat it.”
“It looks okay to me.” He takes his chair, looking confused. “Why are you making a big deal out of this? Let’s just heat it up and spend some time together.”
“Spend time together?” A hundred of swear words and insults go through her mind. But she chooses to ignore them unable to pick her favourite one. “We barely see each other. We don’t talk. All you do is work and stay away from home. And then you say that you’ll make it up to me. After repeating the cycle for the hundredth time.”
That’s it. All of her self-control is completely gone. And she doesn’t even want to hold herself back. “I cancel my plans and put everything in my life on hold. I focus on making dinner and getting dressed. For what? To sit and wait for you while you don’t even think to let me know that dinner is off?”
“Off? It’s not. I’m here now. Let’s not ruin the evening. Don’t exaggerate. Why are you looking for a fight?”
She gasps. The anger inside and his baffled face make her feel like she’s going to erupt.
“Looking for a fight?” Her hands are waving around as if they have a life of their own. “I’m just looking for a fight? You are unbelievable.”
“I know.” He smirks, trying to be funny.
“Would you shut up and own up to what you did.”
Hearing the apology, she knows it isn’t sincere and he doesn’t mean it at all. And that is one thing that she can’t stand – insincerity.
“Well, I don’t know. You seem upset and I don’t want to argue.”
“Of course not, because it’s not worth it, is it? You do whatever you want and expect me to tail along. You are playing with my mind and emotions.”
“Of course not, I love you.”
“Not good enough. Is it so hard to think of me and of us? To consider what someone does for you? To take their time and emotions into consideration?”
Her fury has come to a point where it’s starting to numb everything, even itself. She is slowly starting to become indifferent, emotionally exhausted. Everything has short-circuited her senses.
“You always expect me to be there and yet you are not. You want me to wait and adjust. But I get nothing back. I’m just exhausted.”
She feels herself letting go of the anger. But the frustration stays. She might have been quiet and let it go in the past but that has brought her, and them, nothing. She pushes forward.
“You could think about it from my perspective. And not turn it around like I’ve done something wrong. I don’t like to be played with.”
“Oh come, sometimes playing is fun.” He gives her a wink.
That’s it. She rolls her eyes, turns around and walks into the bedroom.
“Where are you going?”
Without turning back, she responds calmly, letting the exasparation be evident in her voice. “You can eat the dinner if you find it so appealing. I’m going to bed.”
“Already? Aren’t we going to hang out?”
She walks on, never breaking her stride. There is no thought in her head anymore. She is desensitized. Empty.
He yells after her. “I love you.”
Beyond anything else, her heart and mind are over-populated with annoyance. She doesn’t even think about it, the filter is gone. Keeping her back turned towards him, she flips him off and locks the door behind her.