Sitting in front of a window reaching from the floor to the ceiling, she stared out into the outside space lit by the brightly shining sun. But despite the light outside, she could feel the darkness inside her untouched.
She watched the neighbors’ kids playing in the grass, with no worries on their minds. And she wasn’t envious or resentful towards them, she simply felt drawn to the idea of being free. She just wanted to feel liberated.
She made herself stare straight into the sun, feeling the pain in her eyes but not caring. Because nothing could rival the hurt and destruction she was feeling inside. To the outside world, she seemed intact, but her insides were being pulled apart, her heart breaking and she could feel every single piece as it chipped away. One might think that the continued pain would make her numb but there it was… The pain that nothing could fix, nothing could remedy.
She kept staring into the sun, then at her reflection in glass. What to do? The notion of indecisiveness was the last nail in her heart. She hated that she didn’t know what to do. For the first time in her life, she didn’t know what the right step was. She couldn’t make sense of it at all. Or anything at all. Was she being irrational or rational for contemplating any of it?
She was apprehensive of moving in any direction so she simply remained seated and observed as the sun fell and the moon rose.
And she didn’t move an inch.