My throat starts tightening. My vision gets hazy, despite my excessive blinking. I can feel the vain in my forehead straining against the skin, the brain trying to escape my skull. I can’t catch my breath, I can’t even slow it down. My eyes look from my laptop next to me to the paperwork in front of me, as I sigh deeply. Loudly. Desperation palpable.
I want to do that.
But I have to do this.
My thoughts mimic my breathing; I can’t slow them down. The focus is unreachable and productivity is unobtainable. I am operating in a state of confusion, stuck between needs in one corner and wants in the opposite one. Not excelling at any of them now.
Why? Well, because I’ve barely written a page this week. I’m back at work and so that has been taking most of my time. And then I’m trying to squeeze in writing, reading, exercising… And living!
I keep telling myself that I have to allow myself to adjust to the new pace and that things will eventually fall into their place but the issue is that I’m going to be more and more busy and stressed as the days go by. And that absolutely terrifies me. Writing is so important to me; it’s an essential part of me. Without it, I feel lost and I’m starting to feel just that – not anchored.
I’m on page 220 of my second romance novel and my plan is to finish it by the end of this year. I’m hoping editing will be included in the set time frame. And I want to publish it at the beginning of next year.
And instead of writing now, I’m off to a movie date with my boyfriend and tomorrow I have a birthday party to end. Sunday? I have to get ready for work. And every second of all of it I’ll be longing to be able to sit down and write.
What are your weekend plans?