Feminism doesn’t exclude manners but it does include frustration (apparently)


I was planning to post an excerpt from my book and report my progress but after watching a show yesterday I can’t let this go, the stubborn nag in me can’t ignore it. I’ve heard it be said several times and I’m frustrated each and every time; namely, the perception that if you’re a woman and a feminist that means a man doesn’t have to be a gentleman. So if I’m a supporter of equality that means you as a man don’t have to be kind to me, you don’t have to have manners? Pfff.

I’m baffled every time because someone always finds something to exploit; there is always an angle that gets twisted to suit an individual. I don’t get how these two things go hand in hand. It’s a simple fact, and one that does not need much, if any, discussion.

Being a gentleman doesn’t mean women aren’t equal. It means you have good manners, not that I’m less valuable than you. I am nice and polite to a man, and it doesn’t mean I think I’m unequal to you, that you are more than me. I demand being treated equally but that sure as hell does not mean that I won’t open the door for a man or woman, young or old, if I’m the first to reach it; I’ll also offer you refreshments, help, and anything else you might need. I’d just like you to feel good in my company (if you are pleasant towards me).

I don’t think that me being a feminist means that you get to behave poorly. You act kindly and politely towards others because of who you are and not who the other person is. Or am I wrong? (I know I’m not, it’s rhetorical.)


What do you think? Share your thoughts with me 😉


10 thoughts on “Feminism doesn’t exclude manners but it does include frustration (apparently)

  1. As a woman my concern is that I am treated equally to all others, equal pay, equal respect, equal consideration in all matters. Whether someone opens the door for me is not included in the fight for equality.


  2. I so agree with you Kristina but sometimes it is the woman who dismisses acts of politeness from a man as though it somehow challenges her equality. I have come across this many times and although it does not change my behaviour at all I can believe that many men might find this a problem. It is a ‘good excuse’ for those men who do not believe in equality anyway.
    I don’t know how it is in Slovenia but here in the UK if I hold the door for a woman and beckon her through first, as I always do, there is now usually at least surprise, which probably shows how rare it has become. However, it is usually greeted with a smile and ‘thank you’. Always by the older generation, not always by the younger.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ohgod so true.
    As a feminist all we seek, is equality. For men and women to get equal opportunities in every field. For no discrimination.
    Whether someone opens the door or not for me, isn’t included in feminism.
    If I open the door for a guy, does that mean I’m not a feminist? No way.
    We’re preaching feminism in a world that can’t even define it.
    Feminism means breaking stereotypes, not creating them.
    It means equality, not inferiority or superiority.
    Great post! This needs to be said more often.


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