I spent the weekend in great female company celebrating our friend getting married in August. You can imagine all the fun we had during the weekend but I wouldn’t be me if didn’t take a lesson from it.
While we were partying on the beach, a group of men on their bachelor getaway joined us. They were having fun and for the most part they were an okay company but they pissed me right off when I explicitly refused to have sunscreen rubbed on me by them. In douche bag world me saying no meant some of them found it even more interesting and necessary to proceed trying to do it. You can imagine my delight at that. They managed to put some on my back and I told them once more not to make a habit out of it, that it had to stop there, and that I didn’t want to be touched by anyone. I got they found it funny but I didn’t want to participate. Do you think they stopped? Of course, not. It would mean acting like an adult and using their brain.
So when I lied down to catch some sun rays one of them squirted the sunscreen all over my legs. It catapulted me off my towel and into his face. I had enough. I’m still fuming. Their lack of giving me my space and accepting my refusal meant that my need to be kind and tolerant went out of the window at lightning speed.
This is not how a civilized human being who is respectful towards others is supposed to behave. Why is it hard to accept that you as a person have a right to say no and not be considered mean? And why do people on the receiving end of the refusal not accept your answer and see that they are the ones not being nice by continuing to push you? I’m proud of myself for not letting any feelings of guilt sneak into my head. I had every right to say no and they had no right to refuse to accept it. And that’s it.
I talked to some of my friends and they told me they weren’t comfortable but didn’t want to say no and be rude. It baffled me. It’s unbelievable how difficult it is for women to put themselves first and say no when something makes them feel uncomfortable. Saying no, refusing to be a part of something doesn’t make you rude. If it doesn’t feel right, you shouldn’t do it just because you feel pressured. No one has the prerogative to pressure you into anything. And it they do, it’s them who are rude and not you. There is absolute no point in doing anything simply because you don’t want to come off nasty for being the one who refuses to do something. If you don’t want to do it, just don’t. It shouldn’t be more complicated than that.