Holly crap, we are nine days into the new year and I’ve been asking myself just where did 2018 run off to?? Sprint off to is more like it. Is it just me or does every year go by faster? It’s absolutely maddening.
I’m not one to compose resolutions and bore you with them (I’d rather bore you with this) because I do believe that when we make plans God has a big belly laugh. Of course I do know what I want to focus on and improve with myself and with my life but I do that at the start, during and at the end of the year.
Last year I wanted to work on only having people in my life that add to it and I feel I accomplished that. I had to put the notion into practice right at the end of the year which solidified that some people make it to the end of a chapter and some to the end of the book. It simply isn’t worth losing your time, patience and energy on people that don’t deserve any of it. I think we all know who we should cut from our lives, actually deciding to do it and sticking to it is the challenging part.
And that is the segue into what I want to work on this year. I want to work on myself further. I want to have only the traits that add to me and my life, not make life more difficult for me. Something my sister said during the holidays resonated with me; I can’t forget it, it keeps echoing inside me on repeat. She told me that I’m a pit bull when it comes to fighting for others and when I have to fight for me, especially when it’s against people I care about, I become a poodle. Not always, but the moments when I do suddenly start feeling vulnerable all of a sudden, make me feel so small and I absolutely hate it.
So this year I want to get better at letting myself want what I want and demand it. We all have the right to do so. I have observed people that walk all over others, punch through concrete walls to get what they want and I think that is selfish and obnoxious. I would never want to be that kind of a person and I think that is why I sometimes pull myself back, feeling like I can’t be vocal about my wishes.
And today I want to start working on that. Because it annoys the shit out of me. I am someone who is 100-percent honest about who I am, I never compromise that. But I have to be the same with demanding what I want; I can’t keep compromising myself for the sake of others. I have to find a nice balance between allowing myself to want what I want and to get it, respecting other people but not having them be more significant than me. I have the prorogative to be the first, the loudest and I don’t have to justify it to anyone. And it’s the same with you.
Do you make any New Year’s resolutions? Or have any other plans for 2019?