She’s okay. Ish.

(Part two of the previously posted story)

10 Best He's home ((: images | Cute couples, Couples, Relationship

Her racing heart counts the moments she spends enveloped in his tight hug. She inhales his scent, flexes her fingers against his back muscles. Barely stops her palms from moving south and squeezing his ass. He’s always had the best butt. She swallows a moan.

This has gotten out of control. She needs to get a hold of herself. So, what if Lee’s here? In front of me? Ugh, all. Around. Me. 

He pulls back, his eyes caressing every freckle on her face. “It’s so good to see you, Lizzie.”

She rolls her eyes. “I hate it when you call me that.”

His mouth pulls into a knowing smirk. She can’t help her stupid, disobedient eyes dropping to his lips.

Ugh, a rock the size of Canada drops into her stomach. She shakes her head, willing it to help her out. She has to get a grip.

Sure, he is devilishly handsome. Tall. His eyes feel like they have x-ray vision. And he’s funny. And kind. She pinches herself, wincing, to stop her listing all of his characteristics. It’s not like she doesn’t have a written list of those at home.

“Are you okay?” Lee’s brows pull together, watching her.

“Sure, great.” But he is also her best friend’s brother. And waaaay out of my league. Not even in the same sport.

Lee puts his arms around her shoulder, walking toward the car. He puts his luggage in the trunk, stopping. Something strange takes over his face as he looks at her. It seems like he wants to say something.

She tilts her head, holding the trunk and waiting to close it. Or I could lock him into the trunk and treat him as my sex slave. 

It sounds fun. Insane but so fun. A giggle bubbles out of her throat.

“What?”

She closes the trunk and waves her hand. “Oh, nothing, just something that happened at work.”

“You’re getting even weirder with age, Liz.”

“Maturing is for sissies.” She turns to walk to the driver’s side.

His hand on her shoulder stops her. In her movements. Stops the idea of any other functioning. One could call her delusional but she sees the sparkle shooting out from where his skin touches her skin. She could swear that for a second—a glorious second—she sees his eyes zero in on his touching her, sees his Adam’s apple bounce up and down on a heavy swallow.

Lee pulls his hand back like he has been electrocuted. Now that makes sense—him not wanting to touch me. She tries not to let her disappointment show too much.

“Can I drive, please?” He opens up his palm between them. It takes her a second to register that she needs to respond. “I’ve been missing it. I don’t get to drive in the city.”

“Oh, so posh. I don’t get to drive in the city,” she mimics his voice, mocking him. She is desperate to distract herself from ogling him.

“Just give me the damn keys so we can get something to eat. Do you still sniff Froot Loops for breakfast?” Lee snorts, mocking her.

The raging hormones inside her make her feel like a teen around him. And she can’t pride herself on behaving like an adult. “I’ve switched to Cocoa Puffs for a healthier and more nutritious choice.” She angles her body towards him in the car as he pulls away from the curb. “What would you like me to start my day with?” Her dirty sick mind immediately jumps to the idea of having him for breakfast. Nope, nope, keep talking. Erase the image. Erase! “Avocado toast and poached eggs? Caviar?”

He rolls his eyes and asks her another question. What exactly she has no idea. Her eyes spot the muscles in his arms flexing as he turns the steering wheel and it fries every other thought in her mind.

His mouth is moving, his eyes flickering in her direction to see if she is listening but she is overheating trying to gather herself. This is going to be an epic fail. 

Liz runs her sweaty palms against her thighs and then opens a bottle of water and pours it down her Sahara throat.

Ignoring whatever he is rambling about, she turns on the radio. “Let’s listen to some music and talk at breakfast.” She needs to buy herself some time to acclimate her heart, mind, and body to being near him. God, it’s been a while but don’t hold that against me now. I NEED YOU!

She’s Fine. Completely fine

She tosses and turns, getting wrapped and tangled into the cover as she dreams. She was restless when she went to bed, the glass of wine not doing the trick. TV didn’t appeal to her, all streaming services sucked tonight, the letters on the pages of her current read decided to play catch-me-if-you-can with her. She gave up, turning in, and since then has been willing her mind. To. Stop. Working.

It’s not like it’s a big deal. So what if she’s picking up the guy she used to think was the love of her life in a few hours? So what if he is flying in to see her and catch up? It doesn’t mean anything, right? No. Absolutely nothing.

She is calm. Absolutely calm. Completely unfrazzled.

So she spent yesterday shopping for his favorite snacks. And bought extra candles and flowers. She went to get her nails and hair done. Maybe even, maybe, bought some new clothes.

She rolls to the other side, exhaling loudly, and pounds the pillow into submission.

And it definitely, definitely doesn’t matter that her best friend from college that is a friend of his best friend’s sister told her he had been mentioning her a lot. It makes no difference. Zero. She hasn’t even thought about it. Not a lot. Really.

By the time her alarm goes off, she is already dressed and perfectly made up, making it seem like she has just woken up from the most heavenly sleep. She grabs her essentials for waiting at the airport—coffee, water, snacks, and a book—and stuffs them into her shopper with her keys, ID, and phone.

The roads are mildly full, the hour being so early. She tries to get his arrival out of her mind (easier to do than out of her racing heart). She blasts the music, singing and dancing as much as driving allows.

She parks, her eyes on the arrivals’ exit. With every person stepping out, her heart rate sprints with excitement and slows down with disappointment. Up and down. Up and down.

Time inches towards his landing time, people spill out of the airport, and the sun makes its way out of hiding. She steps out of the car, too anxious to keep sitting.

And then, with the dawn painting his handsome face he steps out. As soon as his eyes land on her, his face splits with a wide grin. And her poor heart spikes and stays there.

If You Could

(Just a story)

Bleeding Broken Heart by DarkWolf-BlackHeart on DeviantArt

I gave you my all. My heart and my soul, my body, were yours. Unconditionally and unlimitedly. You had my love, my trust, my respect. You had it all. I gave you all. And you tossed it away. You didn’t cherish it enough, it wasn’t valuable enough. You took it and lost it. I just wish you had taken the love with you too. Because it hurts. Everything hurts. Trying to exist and function pains me, getting up in the morning brings anguish, attempting to erase the memories we had created is an agony. I hate you. And I hate myself for that not being true completely. I don’t want you back because the cut is too deep. I know that if you could take it back, you would. But it doesn’t work that way. And I know that if you could, you would be a better man. But you weren’t. You’re not.

The Currently Reading Tag

Hi, everyone! I hope you’re doing well!

I think everything going on here in India and around the world has taken its toll on me and I haven’t been feeling like reading much in June and I haven’t been writing much in the last couple of months. When I used to sit down to write a new blog, I was instantly hit by inspiration and could develop a story out of a single word, feeling playful and creative. But these days…not so much. So I saw this fun tag on Bookish Luna and thought I would answer the questions, giving myself a breather.

You can find her answers here and mine below of course. If you like the questions, do the tag yourself or let me know in the comments if/what we have in common.

Currently reading: 

 

I’m reading Game, Set, Match. I feel like it’s been going more slowly than usual and it has nothing to do with the book (which is great) but it’s just my mood.

 

How many books do you usually read at once?

I have never tried reading more than one book at a time. I like being immersed in the story and devour the book from start to finish before picking up a new one. I don’t know why I’ve never tried reading more than one. It might be similar to watching shows. I watch multiple ones at once but somehow I’m not attracted to the idea of reading more than one book.

How do you decide when to switch between multiple reads?

Don’t have to. 😉

Do you ever switch bookmarks partway through a book?

Only if I somehow manage to lose one.

Where do you keep the book(s) you’re currently reading?

I keep them somewhere close by. I like having them next to me when I write on my laptop, or on the coffee table, and mostly on my nightstand.

What time of day do you read the most?

Gosh, it depends. I like reading a chapter or two before breakfast sometimes and in bed before sleep if I don’t feel like watching a show or a movie. But mostly, I read in the late afternoon before I workout.

How long do you typically read in one session?

Again…it depends. I would say anywhere between half an hour and an hour, but I love losing myself in a book for hours (it just happens rarely because I feel bad for not running around the house doing chores). But no matter what, I always read at least one chapter because I hate stopping in the middle.

Do you read hardbacks with the dust jacket off?

I prefer reading paperbacks but if I do read a hardback, then I leave the jacket on.

What position do you mainly use to read?

I love reading in an armchair with my legs tucked under me. Or outside on the balcony, stretching my legs on the railing. And on my bed on my stomach.

Do you take your current read with you everywhere you go?

Right now, my only trips outside are to go to the grocery store or for a run and walk so I don’t bring my current read with me. But if I were to go somewhere else and because driving anywhere here in Bangalore takes a long time, I would definitely bring my book with me.

How often do you update your Goodreads reading progress?

I feel like I am always neglecting Goodreads. I update it when I start and finish a book.

 

Make Quarantine your Bitch

The nights morphed into days. She simply didn’t feel positive and motivated. Monday to Friday didn’t feel that much different from Saturday and Sunday. Her working hours of nine to five stretched out far longer. She ate out of packets and made microwave her best friend (they had great, open talks). And her bed…ugh, her bed…it was her soulmate (the bed loved some gossip about the microwave).

The stress of her higher workload, of only seeing her family and friends through screens, of the concerns of heading out for groceries…everything poured into a deep, black pool of anxiety, making it feel like she was immersed in it. Every move was labored, the weight was pressing against her body, and her head felt like exploding. Her lungs were pleading for air, her brain begging for a freezer.

It was all too much. Too much at once, too much during the day and during the night. She couldn’t go on like this anymore. She wouldn’t do this to herself.

It was the middle of the night but since her schedule was flipped upside down and she was feeling like a hamster going crazy on a wheel, she got up and wrote herself a pledge. Tomorrow, she would make changes and do better for herself. Tomorrow, she would make the quarantine her bitch.

(Hope you’re doing the same. 🙂 )

WWW Wednesday

…on a Thursday. 😉 I’m a rebel like that.

I have been going through highs and lows in my reading pace. There have been weeks where I read two books and then some when I couldn’t bring myself to read a single page. But I stop myself from obsessing over it because it’s a period none of us had experienced before and I believe that we need to be kind to ourselves and to others. Whatever makes this time of lockdown easier for you embrace it. Because one thing might work for someone else but not for you and vice versa. Let it go and do your best.

Anyway…

All my books are e-books because currently, I can’t get paperbacks here in India so Kindle has been a lifesaver. I can’t tell you how much I’m craving to hold a physical book and flip actual pages. The first one I manage to actually get…I might sleep with it tightly in my arms just because. 😉

WHAT I READ:

1

 

Last night, I finished Parental Guidance by Avery Flynn. It was a fun and easy read—perfect for this period. I don’t want to read anything too dramatic and angsty right now.

 

 

WHAT I’M READING CURRENTLY:

2

The next book in the series is my current read. Easy and breezy with a lot of funny banter is just what I prescribed for myself.

 

 

 

 

WHAT I’M READING NEXT:

3

A couple of weeks ago, I read Angry God by L. J. Shen and then saw that her new book, The Hunter, is out so I purchased it in the Kindle Store. I’m sure it’ll be intense, hot and full of great one-liners.

P.S. I love black and white covers with a bright title.

 

 

 

Tell me…what did you read? What you’re reading? And what are you going to read next?

21 Days and 21 Seconds

I counted the twenty-one seconds that passed before I uttered anything. I just stared at her beautiful smiling face.

Just say it. Whatever happens…at least you’ll know.

I switched the video call to a regular phone call. Mel asked me a question that I ignored and shot out what I wanted to say before I chickened out.

1, 2, 3. Say it.

“I have to get something out of me. Please, don’t interrupt me for a minute. I just have to say something.”

“Okay,” she responded, uncertainty audible in her voice. The tone of our conversation changed from easy and light to somehow feeling very important and intense. My thoughts and feelings hanging in the air between us.

I didn’t even inhale before starting my blabbing session. Hearing her voice, imagining her biting at her thumb pad nervously, imagining her with bare feet and a fresh face made me want to run toward her. “I really, really hope this doesn’t scare you away, and it’s absolutely fine if you aren’t there yet, if you think it’s too soon for you to label whatever is between us…but I’ve been unable to stop thinking about you and no matter what, I need to get these words out. I want you to hear them and respond however you want. Though, don’t say ‘Thank you.'” I chuckled nervously. “It’s been a while, if ever, that I’ve felt like I know someone so deeply, feel them and feel so much for them. I would like to make things exclusive between us; I want to explore what us means for us. Not having you around, being away from you, even if we talk every day, all day, it’s not enough. It’s made me realize I like having you in my life and I think…” I gulped. “I think I’m falling for you.”

“Wow, Elise.” She sounded overwhelmed.

And then the line got cut.

“Mel? Halo? Mel?” I moved the phone away from me, staring at it like it had some sort of vendetta against me. I brought the screen to life, searching for answers. She couldn’t have hung up on me. She wouldn’t do that, right?

I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes, doubts creeping in. If I had just shut up, I wouldn’t have scared her away. And now I got God-knows-how-many days to dwell on it, locked inside my house with no distractions.

Ringing interrupted my internal monologue, Mel facetiming me.

I answered, mentally preparing myself to hear rejection.

“My phone died. Impeccable timing, huh?” She laughed softly. “I feel the same way. Want to make us quarantine-official?”

“Yes, come here. I got a fully stocked kitchen and I know you’ve been postponing to go grocery shopping.”

Her snicker was like music to my ears. Her free and positive energy was contagious. I wanted to have it in the same room, with me. “I’ll be there asap.”

Twenty-one

It had been twenty-one days of quarantine. Twenty-one days of not seeing her in the flesh. Twenty-one days of being teased through the screen. Twenty-one days of thinking about her.

They hadn’t had a conversation about commitment because it had seemed too soon after only dating for a month. But now being without her, Elise knew she liked Mel a lot, was falling for her and she wanted Mel to know.

But now Elise was facing a dilemma. Should she have the talk with Mel while they were both unable to see each other? Or should she wait and make it special? She didn’t know what to do. Should she wait or not?

She stared into space, petted Catzilla, and pondered her options. Mel would soon wake up and she didn’t have her mind made up. They prided themselves on being completely open with one another and talking about everything, so she didn’t want to hide her thoughts and feelings from her. Mel would surely see something was going on in Elise’s mind. But she also didn’t want to scare Mel away.

She could hear her watch tick-tock, eating away at the time until Mel woke up. Elise pushed away her plate, losing her appetite. She was growing more and more nervous. Was she reading Mel correctly? Were they both on the same page? What if she was deeper in their relationship than Mel? What if Mel wanted to keep things casual?

She dropped her head on her forearm, grunting. The quarantine was slowly unanchoring her, she had way too much time to think. Elise wasn’t trusting her instincts and didn’t know what to do.

The phone rang and she knew it was Mel. She was still undecided, nerves accumulating in her chest. She listened to the phone ringing, her head buzzing with questions.

Elise picked up the phone and answered, not knowing where the video chat would go.

What are you reading?

I’ve mentioned that I haven’t been reading as much as I thought I would at the start of the quarantine. But then March ended (thank God) and I went to check how many books I had actually finished and I realized that I had read four books. Okay, it might not be a ton and I’m sure there are quite a few of you that read 171 books per month. But a book a week with me not feeling like reading as well as writing and just trying to get used to the quarantine and pushing through it isn’t that bad. I am quite pleased with the number.

How many books did you read in March? More or less than usual?

I am making my way through Christina Lauren books so all four were by the author:

Sweet Filthy Boy (Wild Seasons, #1) by Christina Lauren

Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren

Roomies by Christina Lauren

Beautiful Beginning (The Beautiful Series Book 6) - Kindle edition ...

My two favorites were Josh and Hazel’s… and Roomies.

Now I am getting close to finishing On the Rocks by Kandi Steiner. I’ve never read any of her books but I’ve heard positive reviews and when I saw a promo for a free e-copy of the book, I jumped on it. And I’m so happy I did. It won’t be the last book I read by her.

Speaking of promos… My first contemporary romance novel EQUINOX is available for 0.99 in the Kindle Store if you’re looking for your next read.