Soon

I thought I was fine. I thought I could get through this, be strong and get through it. But one whiff of the t-shirt you left behind and my sadness gets the best of me. One tear pushes out the second, the third and then the next. I’m standing in the corner, sniffing your shirt like an idiot. Bawling like a moron. I miss you so damn much it hurts. It physically hurts. It doesn’t feel like a missing limb. It feels like someone is hacking at my leg with a blunt axe, never hitting the same spot.

I love you so much my heart breaks thinking about all the minutes away from you. My soul sings with every thought about you finally wrapping your arms around me. But just as I think time flies and soon the separation will end, my heart stutters with knowing even the speed of light would be too slow.

Inconsolable. Empty. Fragmented. Without you. My partner in everything. The yin to my yang. The dawn to my night and the dusk to my sunrise.

I take another dose of your scent, kiss the t-shirt and put it in the washing machine. Soon. I promise to myself, to you, and to the universe. Soon I’ll lie next to you. Soon I’ll feel your hands on my body at night waking me up. Soon I’ll get annoyed by your loud chewing. And smile at your teasing me for it. Soon.

The One with You

SOMETIMES DREAMS COME TRUE AND FEEL LIKE NIGHTMARES.

UNTIL YOU FIND WHAT YOU HAVE REALLY BEEN LOOKING FOR.

Taya Thompson has accomplished everything she dreamt of as a child. At the age of thirty, she is cemented in the eyes of fans and critics as one of the greats in music. Her irresistible appeal, expressive voice, and honest lyrics charm the hell out of everyone watching and listening to her—in the audience or in her company.

But sometimes dreams come true and feel like nightmares. Privately, she struggles to find lasting happiness and balance, looking for flings and parties to distract her from the loneliness and sadness caused by her estranged parents and her failed romances, which confirm that most men won’t be the one but will make great songs. What brings her pain and concern gives her inspiration and transforms her songs into a mysterious riddle everyone wants to solve and also makes the tabloid vultures salivate, shrinking her private and comfortable world.

Her personal growth takes her from cowering as a shy teenager to fighting against anyone trying to cross a boundary and to finally accepting the attention and realizing how to control the circus without losing her mind over it. It takes a lot of drama and heartbreak but she manages to find her way to inner balance and happiness. That brings her a better relationship with her parents and maybe even another chance at love.

The One with You is a standalone romance and women’s fiction novel, available on Amazon.

An excerpt from The One with You

She took a long breath and found him in the crowd. Cold sweat covered her, and she wanted to vomit. She dug her nails into her palms, crushed her teeth against each other. And tasted venom on her tongue.

Looking away, she opened her mouth and started singing in her low, raspy voice, successfully completing the macabre atmosphere of the song and performance. She mesmerized them, held their attention. Made them follow her every move like their lives depended on it. Everyone in the audience heard the story, everyone in front of the TVs saw it, and every single person felt it. She owned them, transported them into the dark world of misery.

The performance ended to explosive applause, everyone except for two people on their feet. Her heart was pounding. She did it, and she did it how she wanted to do it.

This should have felt like a victory but there was no change in her; she felt the same. The realization was crippling as she got off the stage.

The dancers were cheering, but she ran into her wardrobe and locked the door. She slid to the floor and broke down. Taya expected to feel lightness and elation when it was all over but she only felt pain. Pain that was intensified and excruciating. No sign of closure and healing. Sobs shook her body as she wrapped her arms around herself and clutched tightly.

“Taya,” Rylan said through the door. “Please, open the door.”

She stopped crying; she stopped breathing. The last thing she wanted to do was let him in. Into the room or her life.

“Taya.”

There was another knock, but she didn’t move. She closed her eyes, waiting for him to leave. Sobbing in solitude and silence.

THE ONE WITH YOU is available on Amazon as paperback and ebook.

Was it a good idea? No. (Part 3)

There was a devil-sent crack in the curtains, the light hitting my eyes. I didn’t want to get up and endure another conference day but at least today there was a seminar I had been looking forward to.

I rubbed my eyes and reached for my phone when I heard a grunt next to me. Then the bed tilted. My arm froze in the air. I closed my eyes, inhaling through my nose and letting out a frustrated sigh. Theo. I forgot about fucking Theo.

I had known I was jumping into dangerous territory by sleeping with him but something about it, about him, felt so good I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to.

This morning, having to deal with waking up together, was a different situation. I wished he would have gone to his room last night. But of course, he couldn’t do anything I expected him to.

“Good morning,” he said with a gruff voice that for a second, less than a second, made my ovaries sing.

I clawed at the sheet to pool it around my body and create as much distance and barrier between as possible. I knew that infuriating smirk would be on his face when I turned around.

“Good morning.” I turned my head not wanting to let him see my struggle with how this morning made me feel. I knew I should have regretted it but… I didn’t. I definitely didn’t regret our night together because it just might have been the best sex I’ve had. Which didn’t make things better. It made them worse. Much worse.

His hand flinched toward me. I followed it with my eyes, my breath halting. “How did you sleep?”

My mind flashed with images of everything his hand touched last night. I closed my eyes to chase the thoughts away. “Great.” Who wouldn’t after the multiples? “I have to take a shower.” I started gathering the sheet again, trying to make an elegant exit. For a cold, cold shower.

Theo sat up in bed, the cover dropping low. My gaze followed the exposed skin, the flush on my neck wanting to see more. The gentle morning light accentuated his torso, the hills and valleys more pronounced. More delicious. “Let’s grab breakfast, Mia. I think…”

“Sure, whatever.” I barely listened to him. I needed a moment without his annoying handsome face, and swollen lips, the tussled hair, and those damn abs. “I’ll meet you downstairs in half an hour,” I said closing the door behind me.

I stood under the stream of cold water until I started feeling like a prune. I washed him off me but everything still lingered. And it didn’t feel wrong. Just weird. Very, very weird.

This… This was… Theo. I didn’t like him. I barely tolerated him. I bickered with him all the time.

We should forget this happened. Right?

But why did that make me want to do the opposite?

I smacked my head against the tiles. I had lost my mind.

Will it be a good idea? No. (part 2)

Several cocktails later I really didn’t care about having Theo next to me. I didn’t care about anyone around me to be fair. I let my hair down, kicked off my shoes, and got lost in the dance rhythms the DJ was spinning at the beach bar. I was sweating, the breeze moving the hair stuck to my neck off my skin. I finished my drink, sucking on the ice cube, lost in the movement.

Did I have to get up for another conference tomorrow? Yes.

Did I care? Not tonight I didn’t.

I turned away from any overly eager wannabe dance partner, dancing on my own. It had always been that way so why would I change that tonight? Another song started and I signaled for a refill to the handsome server with the charming smirk and the magnetic butt. One I checked out as he walked away.

I turned away, locking eyes with Theo sitting at our table. I had felt his gaze on me throughout the evening, something unknown in his eyes. Something new in the set of his jaw.

I couldn’t bring myself to look away. Not as I took a sip of my fresh drink, not as I moved to a new song. And not as he got up and strutted toward me, his gaze unwavering. Determination shining in his mossy eyes.

I watched through my lashes, my mouth stretched into a crooked smile.

Was I freaking flirting with Theo? Yes, yes, I was.

And I loved it. Tonight something felt different. I could blame it on the cocktails, the tropical air, or the temperatures boiling my brain. But the truth was I was enjoying his attention and wanted to push the boundaries. Just for tonight.

He leaned closer, his breath tickling my ear. “Can I have this dance?” His voice was smoky and thick, talking to something deeper in me.

I nodded, putting down my glass. We swayed to the song, his hands on my hips. My skin felt scorched under his touch, hyperalert of everywhere our bodies connected. I surprised myself wanting to have even more points of contact.

I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck. I slowly moved my eyes from his chiseled jaw, to his full mouth, to his straight nose, and finally to his eyes that shone with something unspoken. Something I wanted to uncover. Tonight.

One song rolled to the next, people started disappearing around us, and still we didn’t let go of each other like we were afraid to break the magic of the moment. And neither of us wanted to do that.

I felt intoxicated by the night, by the atmosphere. And by his fragrance, the feel of his body touching mine, the feel of me touching him. Every hill and valley of his muscular shoulders and chest.

“Mia, what are we doing?” he whispered, his lip brushing the shell of my ear.

“I don’t care.” I couldn’t have cared less about him being the co-worker I barely tolerated. The man that drove me nuts. That made me pull my hair out.

He pulled away, pinning me down with his gaze. I touched his lower lip that was fuller than his top one, running my index finger over the softness of it. I kept staring at his mouth, wanting to know what it would feel like to have it on my body. All over.

I leaned into him, a mere inch between our lips when I looked into his eyes. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Instantly, I saw flame ignite in his eyes, brightening the color of his irises. “I don’t want you to wake up with regrets.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about that?” I ran my tongue across his lip. “And you worry about whose room’s closer.”

Will it be a good idea? No.

12 Best Homemade Whiskey Cocktails - SmartSexyPaleo

For the hundredth time I glanced at the clock. Sighing with my eyes closed. This. Is. Taking. Forever. I could’ve done so much work up in the room. No, by the pool, sipping on cocktails. I swallowed a moan, staring at the presenters, having given up on getting anything useful from them.

He moved next to me, his leg brushing mine. Grating on my quickly-evaporating nerves.

“You know, we all get the same amount of space with a chair. You don’t get to spread your legs wider and claim more space just because you have a dick,” I angry-whispered at my co-worker. I only accepted the invitation for this crap because he said he wouldn’t be able to attend. And now, here we were. Me trying not to strangle him with my ID badge and him trying to drive me mad with his stupid-looking smirk.

The one he was serving me now. “Thinking about my dick and spread legs, are you?”

I pretended to gag. “Don’t make this conference worse than it already is.”

“I’m rather enjoying myself.”

“Of course, you would.” I turned away from his narrowed, dark gaze but I still felt his eyes on me.

You know,” he tried (and failed) mimicking my voice, “that is not appropriate work language. Not very PC or polite.”

I rolled my eyes again, forced to look at him again. “Polite doesn’t get your attention.”

There was that infuriated smirk again. I really wanted to smack him with my journal across the head. “If you wanted my attention, you could just said so.”

I picked up my bag and rummaged through it, ignoring him completely. How did I forget to pack my Kindle? I dropped the bag with a loud thud on the floor and leaned my head on the head rest, sighing. Can I really take another hour of fucking office Feng Shui for dummies?

I could feel his stare; I didn’t have to see him to know he was still smirking.

I had enough. And I was hungry. And in need of alcohol.

I sent a quick text to my friend Matt, Call me asap! Something’s wrong with Crooks Hanks, right? 😉

There’s definitely something wrong with that cat.

I snorted. Stop! You love her.

I love the redecorating she’s done with my curtains. So cute, I could lock her out and forget to feed her.

Sounds like an emergency.

Instantly, my phone started vibrating. I couldn’t have smiled wider, relief coursing through me. I grabbed my things as fast as I could. “It’s an emergency,” I said to Theo, unable to hide my elation of getting the hell out of there.

His notorious smirk stretched into a smile. “Looks like it.”

I made my way out of the hall, aiming straight for the bar. I needed a drink before anything else. I hung up with Matt, just as the server brought me my cocktail. With a side of a flirtatious wink.

I opened my mouth to talk to him when someone behind me cleared his throat. “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.”

I narrowed my eyes at Theo as he took a seat at my table, his eyes moving from the handsome server to me. An instant glint in them at my expression. “It looked like it was serious. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I picked up my glass and gulped it down. “I need another one.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

I’ll write what happens next week. 😉

What are you reading: last, now, next

Well, February has been a great reading month for me. I’ve managed to read seven books: The Selection and the Throne of Glass series. Now, The Selection was where I started and finished that series because I already know that the book will be one of my least favorite reads this year.

TOG, however, was a great series and I loved it so much I can’t even say which book’s my favorite one. I was slightly (just sliiiightly disappointed) with the last one. I think it was too long and the whole things with the gods…meh, could’ve done without.

I’m going to cleanse my palate with a romance book that I hope won’t disappoint me. I’ve heard great reviews and it’s been all over Instagram so I can’t wait to see what all the fuss was about.

My copy is on the way and it’s going to be my first read in March. I loved, loved, looooved ACOTAR and I want more. I’m not expecting it to be as amazing as ACOMAF but I am certain it’ll be a more the enjoyable read.

Tell me what have you read in February? What are your plans for March? 🥰

Book is out and I’m back in

I have been feeling so guilty for taking a step back from my blog but I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the energy, time or motivation. So much has been happening (mostly good, really good) and Twitter and blog, even Instagram have been pushed back in my thoughts.

I am pregnant. 😁 And as you can imagine that has taken a lot of my energy. Especially in the second month when the nausea made the world seem a dark, dark place.

I finally got the chance to visit my family in Slovenia. After more than a year. It was a (too) short trip but I was thrilled for every single day we got.

And now I’m back in India, trying to be better at juggling all of the changes and preparations for the next chapter of my life.

Speaking of chapters…This week, my book The One with You came out as paperback and e-book. I posted the blurb and cover in my previous posts and if you thought you’d enjoy the story (and I hope you did and would), go to Amazon and get your copy.

I hope you are all doing well and reading something good. I have been reading a lot and I will post the books I’ve read this year.

Take care! 🖤

The One with You: Blurb

Taya Thompson has accomplished everything she dreamed of as a child. At the age of thirty, she is cemented in the eyes of fans and critics as one of the greats in music. Her irresistible appeal, expressive voice, and honest lyrics charm the hell out of everyone watching and listening to her—in the audience or in her company.

But sometimes dreams come true and feel like nightmares. Privately, she struggles to find lasting happiness and balance, looking for flings and parties to distract her from the loneliness and sadness caused by her estranged parents and her failed romances, which confirm that most men won’t be the one but will make great songs. What brings her pain and concern gives her inspiration and transforms her songs into a mysterious riddle everyone wants to solve and also makes the tabloid vultures salivate, shrinking her private and comfortable world.

Her personal growth takes her from cowering as a shy teenager to fighting against anyone trying to cross a boundary and to finally accepting the attention and realizing how to control the circus without losing her mind over it. It takes a lot of drama and heartbreak but she manages to find her way to inner balance and happiness. That brings her a better relationship with her parents and maybe even another chance at love.