Wedding photo

Hell, it’s been a crazy week (one would think I’d be used to it by now) and my brain is so tired that I can’t even think about writing anything and then I remembered that I did write about our wedding day but haven’t shared any photos. So I’ll just let the photo do the talking for me and take a short nap to recharge. 🙂

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Have a lovely weekend!

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The tunnel

Being carefree and careless is a privilege she hasn’t had in years, decades even, ever since she was a teenager. Her childhood, her youth, was taken away from her and it hasn’t been returned. All she’s ever had to do is care.

Sometimes it all feels like swimming against a strong current and getting nowhere. Like aggressive, threatening waves crashing against her head, promising to push her down, and she is left with fighting for air.

Somehow she has always managed to stay afloat but now… She feels her strength diminishing, her life hanging out of balance. And she struggles to want to fight.

What more do I have to do? How much more do I have to endure? 

She is sprinting towards a light at the end of the tunnel that she doesn’t even see, only hopes it’s there. But the tunnel is playing tricks on her, with every step it gets longer and narrower. Her steps become less determined, slower. And with each of them her hope gets weaker and weaker. Soon she’ll be left with nothing and no one.

Sad stories

Povezana slika

There are so many sad stories in the world, there are so many people who carry a heavy burden and are suffering. Their eyes tell the story, their behavior as well. Sometimes it feels like if you don’t shut down you might feel theirs besides yours. And it will crush you. It’s even more crushing when you see children with tragic family lives, with heaviness and sadness to their days. There is nothing you can do, you can only offer some support and advice.

What I always tell them and myself is this: your burden doesn’t have to define you. You define yourself. This is a bump in your very long road. Of course, it feels like it’s insurmountable, like it will never end and it might feel like it will crush you. But it won’t and it will end. A sad chapter doesn’t make the book sad. What you need to focus on is what happens later. Will you carry it with you and let it influence the rest of your life negatively, or will you turn it into a lesson and move on from it? The thing is that you can’t influence the world and the people in it. Quite plainly said: shit happens. However, you can influence how it affects you. Whether it affects you.

Suffering and hard times are part of everyone’s lives and it’s a part of your past but you can keep it there and not allow it into your future. We’re 10% of what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

One month

The morning was a rush: pouring coffee into her mouth, eating the toast on her way to the cab, juggling her briefcase and phone in her hands. She would find it comical if this wasn’t her reality for the past couple of days. And there was no end in sight. She barely kissed her husband before leaving their home and she had even less time to feel bad about it.

As soon as she stepped into the office her assistant started her monologue about the schedule and the messages left for her already.

She dropped her things on her desk when the first person stepped in. And the queue didn’t finish until it was well into lunch hour. Her PA dropped her meal off and she finished it while answering emails.

Her eyes zeroed in on her husband message. “Happy one-month anniversary, baby.”

Cold sweat took over her body. How could she have forgotten? Her heart started thumping fast and hard. Every beat intensifying the feeling of guilt.

She scanned the pile of paperwork with disgust, her heart torn apart by the feeling of missing her husband. Fuck this!

She stood immediately, leaving a message to cancel her meetings for the day on a post-it on her PA’s desk.

The cab ride seemed to take hours, despite it being only minutes.

She walked into his office spaces, focused on his door. Her stride displayed her conviction, her face lined with determination. No one could stop her, no one would dare to.

She knocked on his door and without waiting for his reply, opened it. A grin immediately split his face, his eyes softening as they landed on her.

“That’s a lovely surprise.”

She didn’t respond, her actions needed no words.

With a smirk, she locked the door and sauntered towards him. “Happy one-month anniversary,” she said seductively, unzipping her dress.

The Loves of her Life

Povezana slika

Meeting a soul mate is special. It’s something that many strive to find and it might not even happen in a lifetime. However, she has been so blessed that she considers two people in her life to be her soul mates. Two people she will find in every life. Wherever and whoever she might be.

She has been lucky to have many loves in her lives. Her husband, her writing and her family. But four years after she had come into the world, she met her first soul mate. A person that will forever be her best friend, her companion in every walks of life. Her happy memory if she would ever need to conjure an Expecto Patronum.

She has been blessed with being related to the person that will always hold her when she cries, that will always be a bright sun ray on a gloomy day, that will always be an active participant in any silliness. Even in old age, nothing will change. They will always seek each other’s company, glued together at their broken hips.

If she wasn’t her family by blood, she would be her family by choice simply because that person is intelligent and strong, kind and loving, brave and funny and she couldn’t live without that special person in her life. It just wouldn’t be right.

That person… She is beautiful inside and out. Magnificent in every way. And I’m so grateful to be able to call her my sister.

Instinct

I would like to (delusionally) think that I have good instincts and that I’m capable of listening to myself. And it’s been proven to me numerously that it does me no good if I listen to other people when something inside me is telling me to go into the other direction. Whenever I do that, I always end up regretting it. Always.

Of course, advice can be very helpful and it can save you from the wrong move sometimes. But at the end of the day, if there is something telling you to not listen to it, if you feel like it might not be what you want/need, follow your own directions.

I’ve learned that it’s better to fail because you decided to do something on your own than to fail because you listened to someone else and ignored your own judgment. I won’t have regrets about making a mistake, because at the given moment that’s what I wanted to do. But I’ll torture myself over choosing to listen to someone else’s judgment when I knew what I should’ve done.

Follow your heart and go with your gut, marching strongly and determinedly towards what you want. Sure you might stumble and fall once in a while, having to pick yourself up, but with no struggles it will come to easily and you won’t appreciate its value and your own worth.

Let me leave you with this…

4

Shades of Love

Rezultat iskanja slik za a grey heart

On gloomy and melancholic days, fueled by a lovers’ spat, letting the aftermath of the negative emotions take over you, one might think that the world and life would be much easier if there weren’t for love.

We all know that when love takes over your heart, it clouds your mind. In a positive or negative way. Nothing seems black and white anymore, there are nuances to everything. You can find yourself confused, unable to take the step that you need to, not feeling like yourself. Suddenly no decision about you and your relationship is easy as it once was.

Love can do that to you; it can screw with you. If love and relationships were easy, there would be no divorces and no break-ups. Hearts would be whole and minds wouldn’t be played with.

But that is not the case in real life because nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Sticking with the shades of grey you come to see the bliss in the end. Or you can be chewed up and spat out and end up in complete darkness. Or you can fly too close to the sun and get burnt by the light. You’re fucked either way.

The point is… Whether you end up in the white or the black, the space in the middle is worth it. It’s better to love and to lose than to never love at all.